One Month

Well, it's been a month.  Sunday was an exact month since it all happened.  And here I am doing my genetics homework, going to sorority functions, trying to figure out what PA schools to apply to, studying for tests, and desperately praying and hoping that we will find out that my strong, beautiful sister will be pregnant tomorrow.  It is very, very strange.  I go home pretty much every weekend and he is still not there.  I'm not expecting him to be, but I wish he was.

Part of me says that this is something that will take time to heal and I can't just drop everything to deal with it because life goes on.  And I know my Daddy wouldn't want that.  The other part says "Laura!! This is a BIG DEAL!! It's okay for somethings to fall to the side for now."  And I agree with that too.  I don't know which side to believe.

All I know is that it has been a month and I still feel like I am in shock.  Is that normal?  Is that right?  I don't know but I guess it is my normal and my right.  I read somewhere that a lot of people go through different feelings and then often circle back to shock.  Maybe that is what I am doing.

I don't want to go on with normal life like nothing happened.  Because it did and it's hard and he was here and he was the best Dad in the whole world.  I am just saying that I don't want to forget the moments I had with him.  I want to remember him laughing and healthy and happy, not sick and hurting like he was the last few months of his life.  I hope other people remember him that way too.

I have to give thanks to God for providing me with such wonderful friends who support and encourage me.  I had a short but wonderful conversation with one of my best friends this weekend and I'm sure she didn't realize it but her words fueled my heart and made me feel strong.  There is nothing like friends who love the Lord and are always willing to open their hearts to you.

I am positive our Father uses our friends to help in the process of binding our broken hearts.  I am so lucky to have so many friends who are so willing to participate! I apologize if this was post was a bit heavy, but its all just a process.