Tonight I was required to go to a speaker presentation by my sorority and with most things like this my roommate and I were dragging our feet to get there. We were not excited about the idea of sitting in room for an hour or longer listening to another presentation about how college students drink too much and things of that sort. It's just not very entertaining when you have heard the same thing for three years! Well, we were in for a surprise. It wasn't the same old boring lecture, but a very captivating and heartbreaking story. This man told his personal experience with drunk driving. Needless to say it was very, very sad. I think it's safe to say everyone there left with heavy hearts.
One specific moment stuck out to me though. This speaker said the most profound thing I have heard in a while that pertains to my situation.
"You have all heard the saying 'time heals all wounds?'" Well for those of us who have lost loved ones know that that simply isn't true."
Now I know it hasn't been THAT long since my Daddy passed away, but I do not see any future where I will not miss him. There are going to be so many moments in my future that will only magnify the loss I feel. And even if it hasn't been that long, it feels like I has been decades! Not in the sense that I have forgotten about it or am okay with it, but that I feel like I have been fighting this battle for ages and my bones are tired.
Lately, I have been struggling a lot more that normal because I just feel stuck. Stuck in this sad, painful, bitter time and it's not fun. I feel like I am having to wait ON EVERYTHING. Maybe I am just waiting on something to good happen to me to overshadow all of this! But then when I think of the things I am so anxiously waiting for, I realize that they are all moments that he won't be there for. Moments that he should be there for, that I have planned on, looked forward to, and never dreamed he wouldn't be there for. It's so hard to think about the future these days. One moment I am just ready to be there so I can be through this stage and the next I am dreading to face those next steps knowing he won't be there.
I think I have said this before, but I am basically on one big emotional roller coster! And let me tell you, it is tiring! But I know I am not battling this alone. The Lord is always with me and allowing me to experience Him in a new way everyday. I will take comfort in that.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
A Little Bit Stronger
I have been thinking a lot about writing on here and what I wanted to say when I did. Honestly, I found myself almost completely avoiding it. What I started to be a way release my feelings and work through everything ended up making me tired just to think about. I don't know if it is because I didn't have anything I felt important enough to say or that I just didn't feel like "working" through it all.
But then I decided what I want to say.
I feel like a lot of bad things have been happening in my life lately.
Maybe not all these bad things are happening to me directly, but they are happening to people I love.
It's hard and it makes me very very sad. And I thought I was sad before but my heart aches more than it ever has! Sometimes it feels so hard that I just don't know how things will get better. Sometimes I want to just let the grief and the sadness take over and give up.
But then I think of this:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3
I think of these precious verses and I know that I want to the Lord to "bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair."
I want to be made stronger through all of this and be a testimony that the Lord heals! Because He does and He will! I trust that.
So I will continue to cling to these verses and like Sara Evans sings I will get a little bit stronger everyday.
But then I decided what I want to say.
I feel like a lot of bad things have been happening in my life lately.
Maybe not all these bad things are happening to me directly, but they are happening to people I love.
It's hard and it makes me very very sad. And I thought I was sad before but my heart aches more than it ever has! Sometimes it feels so hard that I just don't know how things will get better. Sometimes I want to just let the grief and the sadness take over and give up.
But then I think of this:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3
I think of these precious verses and I know that I want to the Lord to "bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair."
I want to be made stronger through all of this and be a testimony that the Lord heals! Because He does and He will! I trust that.
So I will continue to cling to these verses and like Sara Evans sings I will get a little bit stronger everyday.
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