Waiting

Tonight I was required to go to a speaker presentation by my sorority and with most things like this my roommate and I were dragging our feet to get there. We were not excited about the idea of sitting in room for an hour or longer listening to another presentation about how college students drink too much and things of that sort. It's just not very entertaining when you have heard the same thing for three years! Well, we were in for a surprise. It wasn't the same old boring lecture, but a very captivating and heartbreaking story. This man told his personal experience with drunk driving. Needless to say it was very, very sad. I think it's safe to say everyone there left with heavy hearts.

One specific moment stuck out to me though. This speaker said the most profound thing I have heard in a while that pertains to my situation.

"You have all heard the saying 'time heals all wounds?'" Well for those of us who have lost loved ones know that that simply isn't true."

Now I know it hasn't been THAT long since my Daddy passed away, but I do not see any future where I will not miss him. There are going to be so many moments in my future that will only magnify the loss I feel. And even if it hasn't been that long, it feels like I has been decades! Not in the sense that I have forgotten about it or am okay with it, but that I feel like I have been fighting this battle for ages and my bones are tired.

Lately, I have been struggling a lot more that normal because I just feel stuck. Stuck in this sad, painful, bitter time and it's not fun. I feel like I am having to wait ON EVERYTHING. Maybe I am just waiting on something to good happen to me to overshadow all of this! But then when I think of the things I am so anxiously waiting for, I realize that they are all moments that he won't be there for. Moments that he should be there for, that I have planned on, looked forward to, and never dreamed he wouldn't be there for. It's so hard to think about the future these days. One moment I am just ready to be there so I can be through this stage and the next I am dreading to face those next steps knowing he won't be there.

I think I have said this before, but I am basically on one big emotional roller coster! And let me tell you, it is tiring! But I know I am not battling this alone. The Lord is always with me and allowing me to experience Him in a new way everyday. I will take comfort in that.